Happy Mother’s Day Mama!

DSC01330 DSC01418

DSC00400

I grew up in your care for 12 years. I still remember when my grade six adviser gave us a homework to kiss our mothers and say “I love you”. I didn’t know how to do it because as a family, we were not used to being vocal and expressive. But being a “good student”, I didn’t want to go to school without doing my homework. You were washing the dishes and getting ready for work while I was waiting for the perfect timing.. You were surprised to see me at the living room after you’ve dressed up and got ready to go to work. You even scolded me because I would be late for my classes. With a heavy heart, I went to school without doing my homework.

I cried when you “forced” me to apply for the entrance exam at Philippine Science High School. It was already the deadline for the application and I still haven’t submitted my application forms. I was scared of taking the exam for 2 reasons: one, I might fail and you’d be disappointed. Two, I might pass and I’d have to live far away from you. After your sermon, you went with me to school to ask the school’s basketball team to submit my application to Pisay because they had a game at Davao City during the weekend. My application papers wouldn’t have made it on time without you.

I passed the Philippine Science High School entrance exams and I didn’t really know what to feel. I was proud to be one of the 2 students in our school who passed the 2 entrance exams but I was also very scared. I just turned 13 years old then, and I had to live far away from home. I never understood how you were able to let me go at such a young age. I looked forward to your visits to Davao and even begged you to take me home with you. Since then, I learned to hug, kiss, and say I love you once again.

I may not have known it then, but now, I know, that it must have been hard for you, too. But you had to secure my future and you knew that it was the best school for me. Obviously, you made the right decisions.

If I would have to write about every single thing that you’ve done to keep our family together, I’d probably have to keep on writing for days! You almost single-handedly raised us because Papa is pasaway. Hehe. (But of course, we all still love him). You would wake up so early in the morning to wash our clothes, cook breakfast and go to work. I didn’t notice all those things before, until one day, I woke up and there was no food at the table. You didn’t wake us up to have breakfast. And after knocking on your door for hours and you didn’t respond, Papa had to destroy the lock and we found you on the bed, sleeping like a rock.

I could recall how scared I was back then. I was only (I think), 14 years old. And it shocked and scared me to my core. It took me a few minutes before I realized what you did. There was a pad of empty sleeping pills on the bed. Luckily, Nanay went there and helped us wake you up and vomit all those pills that you took. You were so groggy and almost unable to open your eyes. I was angry for what you did but the fear of losing you was way bigger than my anger. Thankfully, nothing serious happened to you. But I would never forget that incident…

Growing up as teenager, far away from home, you weren’t always by my side.. you weren’t there…when I needed a mom to soothe my troubles and ease my heartaches… but I knew that you are working hard to keep our family together and give my siblings and me a good future. You have always trusted me, supported me, and believed in my capabilities.

Despite all the good things that you’ve done for me and my siblings, you still are not perfect. You made some mistakes too. And because of that, we had one big fight and I saw how much I hurt you. I never imagined that I could hurt you like that. I made you cry and I didn’t speak to you for more than a week. Good thing that we were able to patch things up after you sent me back to Davao to “cool off”. Hehe. Contrary to what you’ve always thought of me, I am not a perfect daughter. I can be a pain in the ass, too. Stubborn and maldita. But I realized how much I love you and I swore to myself that I won’t make you cry again and that you’d be proud of having me as a daughter… so you see Ma, everything happens for a reason. Haha. Because from that day on, I made a vow to help you in putting my brothers and sister through college. And I’ve been faithful to that vow because I love you so much.

Mama, we may not have a perfect mother-and-daughter relationship, we may have been living far from each other for the past 17 years of my life, but rest assured that you are always in my heart everyday. I pray for a time that we would live close to each other again in the future. Thank you for teaching me to fly and be independent at a young age. I will always be grateful for all your sacrifices for us. I pray that you’ll have more years to celebrate Mother’s Day with us. I miss you and love you so much! You are our supermom! :)

DSC06361 DSC09875DSC05134

Posted in Emotions, love | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments

I kiss my past goodbye

Dear God,

image

I know that you always want the best for me. Although you have shown me how great your love is, still I have chosen to hurt and disobey you many times. I traded Your perfect, unchanging love for fleeting moments of worldly comfort and desire. Father, thank you for giving me endless chances to start anew, for your infinite stream of forgiveness, for your blood that washed away my sins and made me pure again. Thank you for giving me hope, and a promise of a blessed future. I pray that you give me strength to turn away from the temptations of this world. May I give glory to you as I live out my life’s purpose. May you be the center of my life. I embrace tomorrow with you and kiss my past goodbye.

Posted from WordPress for Android

Posted in God, love, Reflections | Tagged , | 3 Comments

To a true friend on her birthday

15-12-06_1402 tres marias

We’ve been friends since the year 2000. That means it’s been almost 13 years of friendship. We came to know each other when we took up BS in Information Technology at MSU-IIT. Our friendship deepened when I became President of our department org – JITS and she became our Treasurer. We also became group mates in several school projects, experienced the same struggles, challenges and fun that college life had to offer.

We have fond memories of celebrating Valentines day in one of the streets of Iligan – sharing our “love” problems – as if! Hehe. Those “problems” seem so childish now but they felt like life-and-death situations back then. Oh, puppy love. :p

After graduating from college, I worked in MSU, at Gensan – her hometown. She resigned from her first job at STI to work with me at MSU. And there we felt like being in college once again – but on a whole different level. I worked as an IT instructor and she was a programmer at the Computer Center. We witnessed how each other matured, fell in love, got hurt, and survived life’s trials.

She has always been my confidante, my shoulder to cry on and my “encourager”. As they say, big things come in small packages. She may be small, but she definitely has one of the biggest hearts in this universe. Other people may see her as maarte, mataray, or suplada. But for us who really know her, she’s probably the sweetest, kindest and most supportive friend one can ever have.
cropped

 Han, although we are now miles apart, we have managed to still keep in touch of each other regularly. I feel that you are really just around the corner. And I am really,  really grateful to you for that. You know what, you are the only constant thing that has remained in my ever-changing world – for 13 years (except for my family)! People have come and go, I’ve been to different places, worked at different offices, but you have been with me all through this time. You don’t know how much I treasure that. I’m really lucky to have you. As a friend, I really couldn’t ask more from you. You are just amazing!

Always remember that I am your friend and will probably be for the rest of our lives. I wish for your true happiness. May you always be a great mom to my godson Yoel, a loving wife to your husband, and a caring daughter and sister. I pray that you’ll always have good health and you’ll never be hospitalized for any sickness again. Continue to be the strong and beautiful woman that you are. May we continue to grow in our faith in God and offer our weaknesses to Him – our main source of strength and inspiration. I love you, my friend.

P.S. I’ve been wanting to make this post for you but for 2 years, this time of the year has always been very busy for me. And now, here it is… I hope (and I know) that you will have a great day today. We’ll continue to be awesome at 30! Enjoy your day!!! Happy, happy, birthday! Sending hugs and kisses!

Posted in Birthdays, Friendship | Leave a comment

Center

You’re the center of the universe Everything was made in You Jesus Breath of every living thing Everyone was made for You
:P re-Chorus: You hold everything together You hold everything together

:chorus: Christ be the center of our lives Be the place we fix our eyes Be the center of our lives

We lift our eyes to heaven We wrap our lives around your life We lift our eyes to heaven, to You

Posted from WordPress for Android

Posted in God | Leave a comment

Happy at Thirty!

Wow, I’m 30! I always thought being thirty was wayyyy old. And mature. But I still feel (and look) like I’m in my early twenties. :p

I still got one more year to go before I’m finally out of the calendar. Oh.. but who cares? Right now I am just so thankful for the wonderful years that God has given me.

When I turned 20, I wrote a 5-year and 10-year plan on my diary. Well, a lot of my plans have already materialized, like being able to:

- complete my Masters degree in IT (at 24)
- get IT certifications (PhilNITS at 24 and Java at 29)
- help my parents in sending my brothers to college (at 25 and  28)
- work in a world-class IT company (at 28)
- serve at The Feast (at 28)
- start paying for my own property (at 29)
- cross off items on my bucket list like treating my family to an out-of-town vacation, going to Japan, and giving my parents an anniversary trip

However, I also envisioned myself getting married and having my own family at 26. It didn’t come true but it’s been a colorful and interesting journey. I have endured (and survived) 3 major heartbreaks. It was tough, but I learned a lot. And those experiences have shaped and made me the person that I am today.

My friends actually agreed with me when I told them that I noticed that I am more at peace, more secure, and more emotionally mature now. Before, I used to cry and succumb to sadness and negativity when I am faced with problems and challenges. Right now, I already know how to handle challenges and negative emotions. I now face the world with a positive disposition. I may have failed a lot in the past, but I know that they are only stepping stones to a better version of me. :)

I honestly think that 30 is better than 20 because when you’re at 30, most often than not, you already know yourself better, you are able to make wiser decisions because of your accumulated experiences, and you are already working on a job that you really love.

I was thinking about writing this post when I came across Bianca Gonzalez’s latest post on her blog. I super like what she’s written about why being 30 is more awesome than being 20.

Why being 30 is more awesome than being 20. 

 

Because you can say you’ve “been there, done that” to problems that you had no idea how you’d get through when you were 20.

 

Because you’ve embarrassed yourself and committed booboos enough times to know how to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously.

 

Because when they say you have to be “whole” before entering a relationship, you kinda know better what it means to be “whole”.

 

Because you need not be too safe with your words and you don’t really feel the need to please others all the time. Why? Because you are strong enough to stand by your word and you learn that you really cannot please everyone.

 

Because by 30, you’ve probably gone through a point in your life where you lost everything, and you know now that you are strong enough to pick yourself up again and rebuild your life.

 

Because by now you’ve sort of figured out the answer to that nagging quarter life crisis question: What is my place in the world?

 

Because you just know yourself better. :)

 

I’m not saying I have it all figured out because I don’t, but I can say I know how to go about things a bit more.

 

- Bianca Gonzalez

 

I look forward to more awesome years ahead and I trust that God has the best in store for me (and for you, too!).  ;)

Posted in Birthdays, Emotions | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment