I suffered from Quarter-life Crisis exactly on schedule: at 25.
A crisis (plural: crises) may occur on a personal or societal level. It may be a traumatic or stressful change in a person’s life, or an unstable and dangerous social situation, in political, social, economic, military affairs, or a large-scale environmental event, especially one involving an impending abrupt change. More loosely, it is a term meaning ‘a testing time’ or ‘emergency event’.
It happened during the last quarter of 2008.
I felt I was at the peak of my career. I finished my Master’s degree on time, was invited to speak at various IT conferences and conducted trainings. I was even one of the SFD team leaders who were given special mention. Also, I passed the PhilNITS exam and had a great job offer at one of the software companies. It seems that I was really successful. But one thing was lacking: a lovelife. (Yeah, friends, I know…)
Until I met this guy in one of the trainings I attended. Guy X had everything on my Guy Checklist. A good diploma, title, nice and stable job, charming personality, responsible, Catholic, good son, and lives in the city where I wanted to live and build a family. Plus, he even had a car (ahem). Everything was perfect. It was just so hard to resist. I was supposed to be happy. I was. And I definitely enjoyed those times. Life was soooo good to me. But I had a gut-feeling that it was just too good to be true. I had everything I ever wished for. It didn’t feel right. I waited for the dark day to come.
And one day, it did! The relationship ended. Crashed. Crushed. Just like that. At first, I struggled. I wondered what was wrong with me. How could it happen to an awesome and fabulous girl like me?! How can I be a failure? It was just so hard to handle…at first.
But I handled the crisis pretty well.
I didn’t wallow in self-pity or turn into drugs, alcohol or commit suicide. I am a toughie. I just evaluated my life – took a closer look on who I am as a person and realized that there’s nothing wrong with me, at all! I am indeed fabulous! (in my own standards, at least…)
This blog entry is not about “Surviving a breakup” so, I won’t focus on that. It deserves an entirely new entry.
Anyway, amidst all the “getting-over” and “moving forward”, I still had to deal with another dilemma: “Staying or Moving Out”.
I was confused about staying with my current job or moving into another field. It was not a simple decision because it involved moving to another city, looking for a new(and more expensive) house, meeting and working with new people and leaving the people whom I have worked with the past five years. It was a tougher crisis.
These are the questions that kept bothering me:
- Will I be better as a trainer or a teacher?
- Where do I fit: academe or industry?
- Who are the better friends: those in GenSan or those in Cebu?(A stupid question coz all of my friends are equally great!)
- Will I be happier in GenSan or in Cebu?
- Will Company X get hit by the global economic crisis?
But again, I was able to get through it with flying colors…
Here are the things I did:
- Pray – Spiritual guidance really helps
- Talk to friends – especially those who really understand what you are going through and are much eager to help
- Meditate/Reflect – Take some time to be with yourself. Examine your heart and identify your feelings. Know your deepest desires and priorities.
- Read books/blogs – You are not alone! Learn from those who went through similar situations
I am now a better and more mature person because of the crises I have gone through. I am single but happy. At least nobody’s making me cry over nonsense stuff right now. Haha.
And I realized that there was something wrong with my Guy Checklist: I missed the loyal, honest, mature and totally-into-me criteria. No wonder I got the wrong guy! Another thing I realized is that I have a fantastic job here in MSU, which allows me to enjoy the thing I am good at: being with and working with people! I will have fun with my current job and look for other opportunities a little later…
How about you? How did you handle your quarter-life crisis?