A year ago, I was in the middle of crossroads: to go to the industry or to stay in the academe. It was a hard decision for me. I was scared. I was scared to leave my comfort zone. I have been so used to this laid-back life in MSU GenSan. And people around me were saying that it wouldn’t be a wise move to leave the state university (stable) for NEC, especially in the peak of the financial crisis.
I was scared. Not only for myself but also for my family. If I failed and get kicked out of my next job, then how in the world could I support my siblings’ education? It would be very, very hard.
I was scared. I was scared to start again. New office. New people. New environment. I thought, “What if I don’t get along well with my new officemates?”, “What if I don’t meet their expectations?”, “What if I realize that I could be happier in MSU?”, “What if things didn’t turn out right?” What if this, what if that. Too scared, too many whatifs.
And now, after a year, what has become of me? Has anything changed?
Well, I was able to go to Japan for my PhilNITS/AOTS-sponsored training. And there, I realized, that I didn’t have to be ashamed of my job. That it was cool to be a college teacher. Certainly, teaching in the university doesn’t involve dining in fancy restaurants with business partners or prospect clients, or traveling to different parts of the world, or driving flashy cars, or wearing the latest fashion trends. Certainly not. But teaching gives a different sense of fulfillment.
Yes, I realized, I LIKED teaching. It’s a fun and cool job to make a difference in young people’s lives. It’s fulfilling to see those curious, expectant eyes flash with excitement for a new thing learned or discovered. It’s satisfying to see former students grow and excel in their careers.
But, the problem is I want to be excellent in what I do. And currently, I don’t see myself doing that. Yes, I know I shouldn’t blame the computers, the facilities, the students, the administration, the government, nor the system. But I believe I am giving a mediocre performance because I don’t have enough facilities and the proper working environment. The system is not helping me either. I need an employer who knows me, who knows my needs and who’ll support me in achieving our common goals.
I am seeking for that kind of employer. I know I have the potential to be able to help any company or organization achieve its goals. And I hope that the next university I will be joining can be just that. I want to work with excellent people so that I can learn from them, and be excellent myself.
I am the type of person who needs to be recognized for a job well done – not really as big as a promotion – just a simple recognition to make me feel important could do. Oops, but I’d also like to be promoted. It would certainly be fantastic, if, after six years in my career, I could at last, taste a promotion. What I don’t understand in our system is that we don’t even get step increments, like, for example, from Instructor 2, I would be like Instructor 3 after 3 years of very satisfactory performance. The hundreds difference on my payslip could make a lot of difference in boosting up my morale. But no, it doesn’t work that way. People need to wait for at least 10 years to get a promotion. And luckily, if you do get promoted, you’d have a big difference in your salary. Like, for example, from Instructor 2, I could become Assistant Prof IV! See? It’s a big, big jump.
I don’t know if we share the same opinion. But this is no longer working for me. I need to try other opportunities.
I don’t understand myself. I have attempted to let go of him for so many times already but every time he comes back, I welcome him…with wide, open arms.
I know that he doesn’t deserve it and I should just quit. I know that I have control over the situation. I can choose how to handle this and react when he tries to communicate with me. But each time, I let my defenses down and just give him my heart. But I know, this time, I have to be firm and accept that he’s just not that into me and I can’t allow myself to be trapped in that sad situation. Haay, sad.. but I have to do this for myself. Ayoko na.
Hope this is the first step towards emotional freedom. Yey! I can do this!!! Goodbye, finally.
Last Wednesday, I went downtown because I was convinced by Maam Nimfa to attend the culmination night of Stratford. I didn’t want to go but I didn’t want to go home to BQ either. So left without a choice, I went downtown anyway.
When I stepped outside the jeepney, I met Ramjie, Hannah and Ate Pat. Ramjie then told me about a project development he’s currently involved with and invited me to join their team. As usual, I got excited about the idea and thought that this would be a great opportunity for me to finally be involved in creating a real project.
To cut the story short, I’m now included in the team and will be meeting the team leader, Jervy later this afternoon. I have started reading the tutorial on Python and I’m quite impressed by the language. It looks like RoR, C, and Shell Scripting combined together. I wanna do this but I’m just afraid that I might not be able to do everything – I have a lot of things on my hands already!
But I just have to do this. I just need the right attitude and proper time management. I can do this! 🙂
Due to the early power interruption today (5pm instead of the usual 6:30pm), I was able to dismiss my class early and started our mini-garden at BQ. 🙂 Ems and I were able to prepare the soil for planting tomorrow. Yippee! Milestone 1 achieved!
We’re planning to plant some veggies like alugbati, pechay, and tomatoes. Exciting!!! 😀
I almost fainted yesterday, when I booted my laptop and Windows immediately ran.. I was expecting a boot menu to appear onscreen because I had both Ubuntu and Windows XP on my machine. Panic started creeping in when I checked the directories of my computer and all I could see was my Windows directory.
Whew! I really hated myself for not following my instinct to create a backup first before re-installing my Windows XP. I was uber confident that I won’t do any harm to my Ubuntu partition because I will be reinstalling only on my Windows partition. I could have copied everything – my pictures taken from Manila, Ozamis, Japan, Davao, Mangagoy and GenSan, my exams (and answer keys), handouts, grades… to my external hard disk with just a click but was too lazy and confident (and stubborn) to do that.
Well, I really felt so stupid and it just hit me that I could have lost all the important files from November ’09 to January ’10. I felt like all my blood came out of my body…I was getting dizzy… racking my brains for any solution. I checked my computer again and could only see 20 GB of my hard disk, meaning, there is a possibility that Windows just didn’t recognize my Ubuntu partition…hmmm.. there was hope!!!! 🙂
I rebooted again and again, but still, the boot menu wouldn’t show up. Windows kept on booting itself automatically! Grrr.. Ubuntu didn’t do that when I installed it alongside Windows..It just created a boot menu where I could choose which OS to use. I knew there was a workaround to the problem but I didn’t want to take all the time to research the Web. It was my first time to encounter the problem and I couldn’t wait ’til Monday to ask all my geek friends at the office how to solve it. I was afraid my insomnia would be back because of a reckless mistake!
So I took my Ubuntu installer and started to “reinstall”, crossing my fingers and praying very hard that it would detect that I already have a previously installed version of Ubuntu…and…
Voila! Yey!!! It did detect that I already have Ubuntu! Haha! So I cancelled the installation and ran Ubuntu from the CD. Through Ubuntu, I was able to see all the files I had on my hard disk – both my Ubuntu 9.10 and Windows XP files. Whew! I immediately copied all my files on my EHD. At least I learned a lot from that experience!
Ubuntu is a real life saver. Thanks!!! I don’t know if I just missed it, but I really wasn’t able to read that Windows detected that I had another OS on my machine. Well, whatever, Ubuntu has earned one vote! 🙂
Just a friendly reminder…BACKUP! BACKUP! BACKUP! before you do anything stupid or critical to your PC.
Gosh. This is just the 3rd time that I’ve rewritten this post. I was disconnected because of the blackout and when I pressed the Publish button, I got an error message. And when I pressed the back button, I got a blank post. Grr!
Anyway, I was happy last week because I had a blast. It was a wonderful week, was able to cross out a number of things on my to-do list.
- had a fun time during the Echo Seminar. I was able to pull off a good-enough presentation about my ITSS training. They were more interested to hear about my experiences during my travel and stay in Japan than the contents of my training. Well, that’s quite understandable because they weren’t really into IT. But I also learned a lot of things from the speakers. I’m a regular at Echo Seminars already – not once have I been a plain spectator. Well, I love attending trainings and seminars! =)
- opened up my passbook account
- had a ‘business meeting” with Laiza and Ems at KFC
- had our first REAL household at Ate Rev’s bhaus
- super happy chika and laughing moments with Pierre and Chami at Yellow Cab and Aling Fopeng’s
- had super bonding with brothers Jong and Gringo, and Charie
Tasks from last week:
- polish app and resume
- compute partial grades
- gym tym!
- plan, prepare, and practice demo on “Installation of OS: Windows XP and Ubuntu”
- prepare for household at BQ