Why does it hurt so much?

I am hurting. Right now, I am not so sure anymore if I made the right decision. It feels like I’m having a nightmare. I want to wake up and be thankful that it was just a dream. I have to remind myself that I should not make decisions right now because I’m really overly emotional. My heart feels so heavy and ready to burst. ARGH!!!!!! Did I really make the right decision?

I have thought about this for months and had always been sure about my plans: move out from my comfort zone and go to my courage zone, be closer to my family and start to build my future in Davao.

MSU has been my home for six years – my comfort zone. The people I’ve been with have been my family for six years. Maybe other people won’t understand why I feel this way… I’ve spent most of my life living away from my real family. 4 years in Davao (high school), 4 years in Iligan (college), and 6 years in Gensan (work). Plus I get so easily attached to people… I just can’t help it. I value my relationships so much that it sometimes becomes a liability because I hurt so much when they leave me… or when I leave them.

Ahh.. I have to stop. My eyes are just so sore… I have to remind myself that I can still nurture my friendship with these people despite the distance, that I’m gonna see them again, that it’s actually just 3 hours away, and that God has a reason for allowing these things to happen and that everything will work out for the best of everyone.

I hate feeling this way… I wish I just had a heart of stone so it won’t hurt like this………… But I’ll just miss them so much!!!

I really have to stop being overly emotional and get on with packing my things. Just believe what Bob Marley is telling me…  “Don’t worry about a thing… cause every little thing is gonna be alright…”

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