How do you let go of something or someone that you think you need in order to survive? It’s like letting go of oxygen. You think that if you let go, you’ll never survive. So you just cling on for dear life, even if it kills you slowly in the process. But do you really have to hold on for survival? What if it’s best for you to just let go and maybe…you never would have to “just survive” but live the awesome life you deserve?
Letting go has never been easy. May it be with material possessions that we are so attached to, dreams and ambitions that we are so focused on, and most especially, people whom we love but are not good for us. Sometimes we lose people to death – which, I think is much easier because we know we can never bring the dead back so at some point, we just give up and let go, naturally. But it is much more difficult to let go of people who are alive and are so much in our lives.
When the relationship is so bad – it destroys the people in it – and there’s simply no more way to make the relationship work, there’s no other choice but to say goodbye and let go. Yup, easier said than done. This wasn’t taught in school. We are left helpless and unable to cope with the stress and emotional turmoil this crisis brings us.
I was in this situation for the longest time. It was more than hard to let go, it was killing me. It was crazy. I held on because I was so attached and it seemed like my life revolved around him. My happiness depended on his time and attention. I had nothing else more exciting going on with my life. And the worst thing was, I was ready to give my dreams up just to be with him – which he never really asked or wanted. I was so convinced that he was the only one who could make me happy that I was willing to take risks.
Until he hurt me so bad that it was so hard to take anymore. I had to give up and let go. Of course, it wasn’t that easy. There were times when I’d go back to my old self again and just “be happy” with the kind of treatment I got from him, just as long as he was in my life. But I knew there was something wrong with what I was doing to myself. I read books and blogs and just connected with people in similar situations. Sometimes, it’s all you need to know. That you are not alone.
It was hard and painful but I knew I just had to let go and move on with my life. I knew I deserved to be treated with more respect and love and that I didn’t have to “work” for that. And you know what’s funny in this world. It can be really ironic. Just when you’ve made your mind up and are letting go, the other party steps up and the whole process could be confusing. You just want to succumb to the temptation of having him back. But it needs a lot of self-love and self-respect to move on and really let go.
For me, you don’t really have to push someone away or go somewhere as an escape. It’s more of going inside and working on yourself. Because in the first place, you don’t have to let go of a person if he’s treating you right. So how come you are in this situation anyway? Would you believe that you are somehow responsible for the way he’s treating you? Somehow, we teach people how to treat us. So, if you feel that he’s not treating you right – threatening you, blaming you (for no reason at all), and intentionally doing things to hurt you – you have to speak up and let that person know how you feel. And if that doesn’t work, if you feel it’s really going nowhere.. then, let go!
So, when it’s really time to let go, what do you do? How do you go about it? It’s tough. But one thing that worked for me is loving myself more (and more) and focusing on my dreams and my vision of the future. Somehow, it got me busy and took my mind off him. I had more important and interesting things going on with my life. I got excited about life again. I realized that I am OK with myself. I don’t have to be with someone to be happy. I can go out and enjoy the company of so many people. And just knowing how I want to be treated and not tolerating bad behavior was almost enough.
It also helps that I have a lot of things going on with my life now. I can focus on my dreams and ambitions and there are lots of interesting people that I’ve met along the way. 🙂
Thanks Ems for the nudge to write about this. I don’t know if this is applicable to you though. Haha. 🙂 And Laiza (and myself for the inspiration)… I’ve been wanting to write this for the 2 of us. 😀